Benvenuti a Firenze!!!

Welcome to Florence! Quite possibly my new favorite place on Earth. We've experienced beautiful weather, rich food and wine, and such a lovely language (even though we butcher it, we try). 

Everything feels richer here. Every place, every bite, every life is just more full here. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about the red, white, and blue, but I'm sure I might need to add green to that list. Italia is GORGEOUS. All the way around. Molto bella!!!

Already we've been out to dinner and grocery shopping and wandering. Wandering is the best, I think it's how we're going to end up finding our way around. My four roommates and I live just about the farthest from the school. It's only 20 minutes away, but we assumed that it would be somewhat confusing with all of these Italian streets, that of course all look the same. We've already have figured out the easiest way to get to our school and back by wandering. And because our first night and first full day here weren't scheduled for us, we were free to stop in shops and get cafe and gelato and take pictures. But no picture could do justice to any bit of this grand place. Maybe I'll try more videos.

I feel so blessed to be in this place, with these people. We lucked out with by far the largest and cutest apartment. I've already started calling it umile casa, or humble home. It really is so quaint and humble. It's just tucked away in northern Florence, hidden near the Piazza de Indipendenza. I feel just graced with the opportunity to enjoy this place. In reality, I wish I could just tuck all of Florence with me into my suitcase when I leave, but overweight bags cost too much. I'm going to leave with some token souvenirs (aka clothes, shoes, scarves, and LOTS of wine), pictures on pictures on pictures, and memories. Memories so full that they overflow into an ocean that will never run dry. And oh how excited I am to make these memories! With not only the best classmates, but the best roommates I could ask for. Sam, Paige, Cassie, Kate, and I are very different, yet so very similar in a thousand different ways. And I am looking forward to growing closer with each of these ladies!!!

So here's to the next four months. Where I could be doing a million other things and yet am honored to be spending it in historic Firenze, Italia. Here's to the laughs, the smiles, the travels, the footsteps, and the memories. Salute! (Cheers!)

Also, please view the photos I've been taking on my camera here!!! I'm not going to be posting a lot on my blog just to save time from uploading them to different places! So please feel free to browse, add me as a friend, follow me on Twitter (@mabeljeann), and follow me on Instagram! (@mabeljean) Ciao!

waves

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
-Oceans, Hillsong United

That is one of my favorite songs from Sandblast 2013. And now it's just one of my favorite songs in general. That song speaks truth to the core of my being; that things are going to be rough and fall apart and sometimes seem to unimaginably disintegrate right in my hands, but through it all, God is Sovereign. God leads and protects and provides and acts as a guide even when I'm not seeking Him. And that's been a rough truth this summer.

You see, I have this best friend, Kaylea, and she's quite spectacular. She's the reason why I know Jesus. Every single day I am grateful for her, and for her courage to invite me to this place called Willow Creek Community Church just 5 years ago. She is passionate and empathetic and loving and gracious and beautiful. She's one of the greats, people. And this summer, this brilliant child of God spent her summer serving God by working at, of all places, Disney World. Freaking Disney World, folks. Like, right?! I know, I was geeked too. She is involved with Campus Crusade for Christ at Elmhurst College and had the opportunity to work at the park and outreach to people while being a part of a community called Summer Project. I have a very similar story.

I'm involved with an on-campus college church at Kent called h2o. A very humble, loving community of people on fire for Jesus on a public university campus. Can't get better. And last summer I had an opportunity to go to Colorado and be a part of something called Leadership Training. LT is a great program that helps you not only heal and grow, but teaches you how to be a disciple and lead your campus in the light and direction of Christ. So similar to Kaylea this summer, I left Illinois with no reservations just ready and willing to be obedient to God's calling. And while that's great and wonderful and handy-dandy...

it left Kay without her "person". And when I say person, I'm not talking significant other. I'm talking the person you need to do life with and be accountable to and call at 3 am and just know that they will be there to listen to you, "person". We're each other's person, since sophomore year of high school. I'm telling you now folks, that girl is going to be a part of my life forever. And ever. So while I was off listening to God in Colorado, I quickly became too busy to be approachable, by my own best friend! She was left feeling like she couldn't text or call me because I was too busy being adventurous and daring and having too much fun to be bothered. And I know this because we traded places this summer.

While I was welcomed back to Student Impact and the Conant Orange Crush house group with open arms, and blessed with the opportunity to lead a small group of genuinely fantastic young high school ladies, I was left without my person. No one knows my story and my struggles and my heart as well as this girl. Seriously no one. And just as I had done to Kaylea the year before, I was under the impression that I couldn't "bother" my best friend with a phone call or text. I somehow bought into the lie that she was too busy in Florida, or that somehow, phones stopped working when you went to cool places like that. Today was actually the first day I was able to see her since she got back about 2 weeks ago. And it's been rough. I leave for Italy in 4 days, so I really had to make the most of today.

There's a song I was listening to on the way home from church tonight. It's by a man named Greg Laswell and it's called Comes and Goes. It starts by dedicating the song to those that are lonely and the torn down, those who seek and do not find, who fall and can't find strength to stand. But it comes and goes in waves. Then it's the faithless, those who can't see ahead of their issues left unresolved. Then it's for the believing! The song turns optimistic, if only for believing's sake, you're going to find faith. But it comes and goes in waves. Then it's for the ones who stand, who try again despite past and present and potential future circumstances. It's for those who seek help and keep pursuing, thinking they can. It comes and goes, in waves.

It comes and goes in waves.

And that's kind of what a relationship with God looks like. You have the mountain highs, and the valley lows. Call it a roller coaster, call it whatever you like, but I think Mr. Laswell puts it best when he says it comes and goes, in waves. As the tide rolls in it crashes and sometimes it's violent and sometimes it's peaceful and it always looks different but all you can really do is ride it out.

And sometimes, without the community of the person God created for you, specifically, to invest in, you hit a really, REALLY big low. like a screeching halt, you just stop. and life appears to stop. it doesn't. the world keeps turning and people keep moving and things are changing. but it almost feels out of body. you look back and wonder, "was I even truly present?" Present in the context of being aware.

I could ramble forever, but all I want to leave you with is this question: who is your person? Or who is your group of people? Maybe you have a small group that you do life with, or a close friend since elementary years. Got them in mind?

Think of their eyes. And their hair. And their smile. And the way they dress and their personality. Think about the way that God so wonderfully created them. Their unique quirks. Their sense of self. Their true gifting, and their weak spots. Would you just say a prayer of thanksgiving to God, for just simply creating such a beautiful, wonderful, glorious person? They are someone worthy of praising God for. They are a praise. And then would you tell them that you appreciate them? For everything that they are; all of the ways they are so special to you. All of the moments you've shared and all of the moments you are so excited to enjoy with them in the future.

This brilliant woman named Shauna Niequist spoke at Willow Creek's midweek gathering tonight. Her final thoughts from her message wrapped up this idea beautifully: "Who are you telling good, encouraging, uplifting truth to?" Because we all need to hear and accept the truth that God speaks to us, but how often do we stop to relate the good truth that we see to each other?

So while I have spent this incredible summer with many extraordinary people, this is for Kaylea. Kay, you are my person that I actually do call at 3 am and that I make difficult, gut-wrenching confessions to. You share in my joys and share in my sorrows. You are such a beautiful, wise, comforting, loving, encouraging, good friend to me. And I appreciate you. I appreciate every little thing about you that makes you who you are, because you are the best best friend for me. Thank you. For simply being you.

And let me assure you, I'm going to get Wi-Fi reception overseas. And I'm looking forward to our conversations from opposite sides of the world.

City Street

The red tree 

I'm reading this book right now called Cold Tangerines. One chapter Shauna wrote talks about a month if her life where she almost missed the beauty in each moment. She was so busy with her to-do list and planning and making plans that she missed the simple delights in life. She missed she changing of the season peeking through the trees, and a tree in particular that had turned firey red and filled her with all sorts of warm fuzzy feelings. And I realized my life is like that all the time. And well, you'll see what I mean if you keep reading. Ironically, my daily calendar that sits on my bedside table and gives me small glimpses of godly truth has been talking about to-do lists lately. In honor of this beautiful book, I'm going to draw my own parallels from the beautifully crafted stories of Shauna Niequist. 

City Street

I have a rapid-fire city walk. I pride myself on it sometimes, my petite frame giving me the option to quickly swerve in and out of crowds of people sometimes as gracefully as a ballerina on a stage. And I say sometimes loosely. City streets can have craters as big as the moon and, if you're not looking, can cause serious damage. Yet I enjoy my fast pace. My stubby legs have a long stride compared to my size. It gives me a sense of purpose and productivity. As if I'm not wasting a moment getting to my precious destination. Then I remembered a quote I heard a few years back. A quote about enjoying the journey of life and disconnecting from the importance of the end point. I have my busy moments, and my moments of being wonder-struck by Gods creativity and sheer magnificence. I know that my schedule is chaotic compared to the average young woman my age, but you see, I'm not average. I enjoy being busy. I find it restful, God has the ability to fire me up when there's a lot going on in my life. But when I'm busy calculating my week down to the minute, there's a problem. Not only with my inflexibility, but with my desire to rush through my day putting as many check marks on my list as possible. Almost like a race, except it's always the underdog human versus time. Talk about adrenaline rush. But am I rushing too quickly? Do I stop often enough to enjoy the small pleasures God built into life? Not just for an Instagram picture or a self-gratifying tweet, but for an honest, sincere appreciation for this breathtaking Creator who holds our hearts above this world. That's where my heart needs to be. The next time I walk through the city, on my way to work or to the beach, I think I'm gonna walk a little slower. Slower than the average person. Slow not to prove a point, slow to take in and experience this beautiful, urban wonderland and God, the ultimate architect. 

"Be still, and know that I am God."

Psalm 46:10

seeing God's workmanship

i haven't blogged in what seems like years and it's only been a month! i really want to write something but because i'm looking forward to getting at least 4 hours of sleep before i wake up for work, i'm going to keep this short.

in case you can't tell by my recent social media postings, SANDBLAST is just ONE DAY away!!!! Sandblast is a four day camp for our high school students where they experience intense competition, astounding teaching, and intimate time with God. it's seriously an incredibly amazing, hard-to-describe, you-had-to-be-there kind of event. the ultimate retreat of all retreats. we have 1300+ students attending so we go all the way to Indiana Wesleyan University to hold our festivities. we're even starting to outgrow this facility, we have to make some students sleep on the floor this year because there aren't enough dorm rooms! it's getting crazy! we've already outgrown two facilities in the past; it's absolutely incredible seeing God move. i love this ministry!!!

anyways, it will be my first time going as a leader. getting to see the other side of things has been crazy. the amount of time spent planning and preparing and rehearsing is absurd (in a good way). for instance, a team of 3 (including a senior in high school) spent 140+ hours just figuring out everyone's housing. talk about planning. it's been a super humbling experience even witnessing the gifted administrators behind pulling off this operation.

the whole time, there has been a small voice in the back of my mind feeding me doubt. i'm filling in for a small group leader that can't make it, and that has left me thinking i'm incapable. "maybe i won't be able to answer their questions." "maybe i can't help them." "maybe i'll choke." all of these little sayings have been eating away at me. but then it dawned on me, who is to tell me that i am not here for a reason? God has called me here because i do bring something to the table that will benefit these girls. i have been praying so hard for these girls over the past couple weeks; that they would learn to do life together, they would become closer and more comfortable with being vulnerable, that i would be able to love them and serve them exactly how they need to be loved and served. a whole slew of requests has gone up to God. and honestly, after the leader's meeting we had yesterday, i am totally expecting Him to show up in big ways. He's got his fingerprints all over this shindig. for me, i've felt the need to constantly prepare myself and clean up my crap before camp. but God wants to use me for the gifting he has blessed me with. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

Colossians 1:16  "For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him."

all we need is #116, Romans 1:16!

that's all for tonight, goodnight folks! hope y'all get some rest!!!

with my hands wide open

there is nothing i hold on to. not anymore.

i've been reflecting on pain the past week. and by reflecting, i mean i've been reliving memory after memory that simply bring me to tears. some time today, i asked myself, "why are you beating yourself up?" the real question should be "why are you giving the devil a foothold?"

in all of my loneliness, i've been consuming my time with nothing but myself. i've had selfish thoughts; thinking of no one but myself for days. i've been all too focused on making myself happy. i'm worried about how i can fill the hours of the day just getting by without being stuck in the deeper issue: getting trapped in myself. or really, having my mind play on repeat the biggest traumas of my life.

my prerogative has been figuring out why God would have placed these events in my life. i may have forgiven those who have wronged me, but that wasn't enough. i knew there was a deeper meaning in all of this; heck if i truly believe the words of Romans 8 then God must have something in mind to use these life-altering events, right? but i've gotten it all wrong. i can't concern myself with figuring out God's motive, i need to figure out His mission.

i've needed to forget what my mind can figure out and focus on the faith that i have in Jesus. it's not about where you've been, it's not about leaning on your own understanding; it's about trusting His promise. He can do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine. my hope this evening was found when continuing my reading of 1 Corinthians 2 when i stumbled across a section that talks about the fact that we have received the Spirit of God (see v. 9-13). that made me think back to a verse in Joshua that says we need to be strong and courageous- God is with us. He is a living and active God, and He is at work behind the scenes in our lives. this verse have become a source of victory for me this evening. and i hope the same for you.

i've had a revelation tonight: surrender isn't a one-time deal. it's a constant battle about giving everything up to God. but tonight, i'm finally making the decision to surrender the pain moments and sour memories. i don't need to relive them daily, i know that i have been changed but it is for the better. and eventually, i will understand God's intentions and reasons behind using these things in my life. but that moment can, and will, wait. there's nothing i hold on to. 

make sure to follow me on Instagram! @mabeljean

putting faith in what you can't (fore) see

please join me in Romans 15. this is a super cool passage that has given me so much hope. Paul speaks of his desire to visit the church in Rome, he's had a desire to fellowship with them and enjoy their company. yet, he's doing what God has called and going into places he hasn't been. he's going into these places to preach the gospel of Jesus. all along, Paul remains completely convinced that when he does visit Rome, after his task is complete, he will have the fullest blessing of the Lord to enjoy their company before moving on again. then, in closing, Paul asks the Romans to join him in praying for the time that still separates them. for his safety and security with an opposed people, for the softening of unbelieving hearts and acceptance of the gospel, and finally that his return to Rome will be refreshingly filled with joy!

as many of you may know, i'm studying abroad next year, all year. starting off in Florence, Italy and then going to New York City. i've had this huge fear that i wouldn't be able to keep in touch with my friends from Kent. either i'd be too out of the loop or we would lose contact altogether. the combination of my fears about losing the comforts of my Kent-home have had me second guessing if this is what i'm supposed to do, i've been doubting my endeavor all along. but this passage speaks so clearly into my situation. i may not be going with the specific intent to preach the gospel, but i am still a missionary of the Lord. i am still going to uncharted territories and my life will be my message; to my roommates, those we travel with, and locals in Florence who will get to know my face. i know i will return to Kent in the right timing, and it is then that i will be able to fully experience the joys and refreshments of community!

this is where i get to ask you all to join in praying for me. please pray for our entire groups' travels, that we would arrive safely without harm to ourselves or our things. also, that i would stay strong in my faith while being away. please ask God to remind me daily to cling to the promises of His Word. and finally, pray about contacting me. i would very much enjoy receiving your iMessages, as WiFi permits, or seeing your lovely faces via Skype or Google+ hangout!

i am turning this trip over to God. by giving Him this big chapter in my life, i expect that He will show up in big ways. i am going to join with Paul, as he said in  Colossians, and let Christ's peace rule in my heart, as i boldly and with confidence trust in the Word of God.

thank you in advance for your continuing prayers for me. i am so thankful for all of you.

when God turns depression into JOY!

my hope is that you find this post refreshing as i find my way out of my blogging rut.

as this summer has taken off, i have been battling a dark depression. i moved back home may 10 and even though it hasn't even been three weeks yet, it has felt like ages. i have parted ways with many of my old friends from high school. my best friend kaylea is going to be gone all summer (more on this adventure later) and my attempts to hangout with my siblings haven't been going anywhere. this summer just felt hopeless for a while. little by little, however, my attitude has been changing and my heart shifting.

one thing i love about my church in kent is that their goal isn't to just bring the gospel to college students, they're passionate about helping us see that we play a big part in God's ultimate plan. we can live missional lives no matter what our field of study is. that's something i've always felt my home church lacked. i attend Willow Creek Community Church where i first fell in love with Jesus as a sophomore in high school. (wow, it's almost been 4 years since i've given my life to Christ!!! 7-11-09!!!!) with a congregation reaching into the 10,000s, it's hard to bring about a revelation in everyone that helps them understand that the way they live their life matters, not just for their own sake but for the sake of non-believers.

my depression was shattered and my heart started changing when i heard my pastor, and Willow Creek's Director of Discipleship, Shane Farmer give a message during a wednesday midweek service. he selected a passage that said "you will know them by their fruit". he quickly jumped into Galatians for a refresher on what these fruits are. then we dove into Psalm 1 and talked about what it looked like to be planted in the living water. i was missing a key ingredient in my life: spending time with God. from this sermon i knew i needed to start feeding my soul in small amounts everyday; i needed to get back in the Word. if you'd like, you can listen or watch this sermon here!

this past sunday is when i was set on fire by the Holy Spirit. Steve Carter, Willow Creek's Director of Evangelism, kicked off week two of our new "Risk" series. it's all about putting yourself in situations and risking the comfort of sitting back to connect with people. it's genuinely about relationships. he asked the bold question, "does you life beg and demand an explanation?" people won't come up to you and just ask about life, its your job to be the risk taker, to be seeking out missional opportunities. he highlighted four key values and characteristics of a risk-taker: living intentionally, showing up with great expectancy, sparking ongoing connections, and being willing to risk boldly. i love this because my heart was in desperate need of a revival, this was just the wake up call i needed. if you want, listen or watch part two of the Risk series here!

currently, i'm involved at the high school level (Student Impact) serving as a fill-in small group leader for the summer. along with re-learning how to connect with high school students, i've been enjoying the few opportunities i've had to get to know the other leaders serving with me, who are all relatively close to my age. there is a ministry for 20 somethings and college students called Axis. so far, i have tried to join a small group with little success and being able to attend on wednesdays has proven more difficult than expected. but i'm sure as i get more involved it will be a natural place to get to know others. because i love kids and i miss babysitting in kent so much, i also plan to serve in Promiseland during sunday services! Promiseland is awesome and i am eagerly looking forward to working with the kids!

after God started rekindling the Spirit inside me, i started looking life with wonder again. things that used to seem gloomy are really blessings in disguise. i feel like this summer will be a summer where i will discover who i am in God without people to cling to or impress. i'm really excited to see what He has in store!

with all of that said, kaylea is currently on her way to Disney World! not only is this just a genuinely exciting place to be, but she is going with her campus ministry, CRU, on a summer project trip where she will be serving Christ working as cast member of the park and sharing Jesus with people all over Orlando! within the very first days of summer i realized i would be without her, and my emotions turned from being excited to sadness and anger. now, i feel more excited than i ever was and am eager to keep up with her and am looking forward to hearing her tell me stories when she returns august 1! if you would, please join me in praying for her and the others on this summer project team; for their safety, for their hearts, and for their minds. if you'd like to follow kay and her progress, click here!

i'm looking forward to a few visits to and from friends throughout the summer. coming up soon, i will be back in ohio for my friends Tyler and Brittany, they are getting married June 8!!! i am SUPER amped for that! i'm also looking forward to visiting my friends who are going to the LT program in Virginia and also trying to get out to those at LT in Colorado! i'll be going to Sandblast with Student Impact, and i am so very excited to be once again reppin' the orange crush tee shirts!! i'm also excited and eagerly expecting a visit from a far away friend (but i can't reveal who now!) there is a lot of excitement in store for the summer, but it will be spread out over the entire four months. i am now expectant of God to move in huge ways as i've witnessed my own heart ache turn in to an overflow of love, hope, and joy!

thank you for bearing with me as i pour out my heart! i pray that God will bless you, and as always, if you have prayer requests please leave a comment below or contact me via social platforms!

willow main stage from the third balcony

  

in our family, we value togetherness. and nothing brings people together like sports!

GO BLACKHAWKS! 

i love Charlie, our soft coated wheaten terrier puppy!!! he's 3 years old and full of life!