Perspective

"This is a story that is not a story. A sting of feelings, perhaps. A succession of emotions and suggestions, most definitely. The viewer is invited to fill the voids and gaps between the still images and create a narrative in his head, knowing that the cycle is endless, because the end is the beginning is the end." Hatology exhibit, Anna Piaggi

That's how I want my life to be. I want people to know me not just for style and fashion but my life. The world I create, the energy I give off, (hopefully) positive vibes. Openly loving. I want people to know what I stand for, but also, like any great painting, I want to leave room for interpretation. I want to inspire curiosity and wonder. 

I feel like being able to live not only away from home, but on another continent entirely, has really shaped my vision not only for the rest of my life, but for myself as well. I have discovered more about myself in this first month and a half of this semester than I ever have before in my life. I've learned what I want, and what I don't.  I've learned who I am, who I'm not, and who I'm becoming. And honestly, sometimes I don't like who I'm becoming. I feel like Pluto. I feel like the small dwarf planet. I feel like I fell away from my orbit. My pattern, my way of life. The way I do things at home and back in kent are so different. In some ways, I have become harsh and egotistical and manipulative. I have grown farther from God and from my community than I can tangibly explain. I swear more. Maybe some of these things seem petty. Well with me, this is not so. I am harder on myself than the toughest critic, and I beat myself up more hours of the day than I encourage myself and my free flowing thoughts. (Which is ironic since my biggest gifting is encouragement.)

But I don't want you to be discouraged. Some of these life realizations and changes are nice. Since I've veered so far off my usual pattern, I have realized what matters most to me. I know where to find joy, and I'm gonna seek Him and fight for His joy until the day I die. I've realized that my love of the small things in life is an amazing gift of appreciation. I love intricate details and having conversations with people I've never met and learning exciting, new things. I love being able to just stand and stare and be in awe of something. This world is such a vast place and I want to see and appreciate as much of it as I possibly can. 

When I was asked earlier today what I blog about, I really didn't know how I answer. Not really fashion, yet I'm now considering it. Faith is usually a main theme, but I would hope it's not a pushy, shoving it down your throat kind of way. My blog is really about my life. I don't want it to be full of 'dear diary' posts. But it's about my life.  I really do hope that my life can be a message. That people can learn from my mistakes, grow from my lessons. 

I want to inspire wonder.