Quiet Reflections

It's hard to believe the summer is winding down and I will soon be starting a new season of life. 

Altogether, this past year was a whirlwind, let alone the past three months. The events I so anticipated have now come and gone and so begins the mental preparation for a brief wind down before starting the fall semester of senior year. As I reflect on this summer, so many smiles come to my face.

This summer, I took 2 very different, but strikingly similar retail jobs. One at Ann Taylor, one at Lush Cosmetics. I work over 50 hours a week between my two jobs, all the while finding some peace in the organized chaos. However, there have been shifts I've worked purely exhausted, not wanting to do my work, waiting for the hands of the clock to move. One thing my coworkers have noticed and pointed out to me: my joy in doing work. During all of those exhausting shifts, I helped customers with a real smile on my face. Nothing forced or over-done, but pure love and patience in serving our clients. I'm not trying to put my actions on a pedestal for model behavior, but patience and love were some of my goals this summer. So when my manager told me she was impressed by my patience and my sales lead reminds me that I am super knowledgeable, I'm a little proud. It's a lot of my own hard work, yes, but I wouldn't have had this transformation without The Lord. I was reminded of one verse while having my chair time one morning: Colossians 3:23: work as if you are serving The Lord. Mother Theresa once said that everyone you encounter is really Jesus in disguise. Even though that hasn't always been my first thought at work, it's certainly come in handy when dealing with unpleasant situations. Retail can be a challenge, but it has been a blessing and honor being able to do this work.

Sandblast 2014 were the four days that bring me the most joy! I am full of thanksgiving just remembering all that God did that weekend; the community that was created, the students that received salvation, the way 2,000+ young people worshiped The Lord together!!! It was an amazing time: purely indescribably joy. For the sake of the Kingdom, I gladly left the comforts of a group I know well to serve with a new team, wear a new color, and lead new students. At first, there was heartache and a mild case of FOMO. But after the first house group meeting, I realized the kids I had been placed in community with were beyond amazing. These students took Jesus' example of love and truly lived it.

And don't even get me started on my small group. By some great act of God, I had been assigned to lead the junior girls at Dupage. The other leaders warned me about the girls, but found myself excited for the opportunity placed in front of me. At first it was a challenge. I have a confession to make: I have no idea what I'm doing! There's no set way to lead a small group and there sure is no perfect way to build community within a group of 15-16 year old girls. It's all God: He gives me the words to say. I am merely a messenger of grace. Watching how He took these girls and made them inseparable was heartwarming. Each of my girls are absolutely unique and precious: but by God's goodness I claim them as mine. They are my six, and I will be there for them even when I am not present physically. The way that God has woven our lives together amazes me. 


Which brings me to something that God has laid heavy on my heart. While I am expecting to go into a living hell next year producing my senior collection, I have to wonder what it's going to look like when it's over. It may be strange to think about the ending even before the beginning, but I'm curious. After college, it's over. There's no more school. From September to May, for the entirety of my life, that has been the one constant I can expect. What happens when it's all over? May 9, 2015 I will walk across a stage to be handed a document saying that I have completed all of the requirements other people expect of me. Where will I go next? What am I going to do with myself? It's kind of daunting to think that I could, in reality, go anywhere and do anything. However, this summer has stirred something in me that I am going to be praying through next year:

What would it look like to stay in the Chicago area for a few years?

I know, I know. That's not "the plan." "The plan" was to graduate college and move immediately to NYC. Maybe do some couch surfing until I land a cheap apartment and a decent design job. Which would, in essence, fulfill what I had deemed my "career path" my senior year of high school when I enrolled in a fashion design program. But I think God's calling me to more. There's something greater for me than the mundane everyday. What if God wants me to dedicate myself to this ministry a little longer? Even though it's been a short time, I dedicated myself to building up a community; not just my six girls but also this body of students. I think God has a different plan for me, and His plan is the master plan. It's the path I'm on. 

As I said, it's something that I'm going to be praying through a lot next year. What would it look like to graduate my girls and lead them up to their college experience? What would it look like to then lead an entire house group? What would my "career" look like? I have many questions but God is igniting a new fire in me: I will not ignore the Spirit inside. 


Thank you for enduring this post. I feel like I say that I lot because I don't keep up as well as I should on here and every post turns into a full chapter of Mabel's Life Story. I just wanted to give a few updates of events that have past, thoughts that are new, and God's current workings in my life. I hope this post brought you as much joy to read as it did for me to write. I am so excited about all of the things God is doing and I have a joyful hope about what is yet to come!!!! I want you to leave encouraged, so I think it's fitting to leave you with these words that I spoke my senior year of high school to my swim team:

Get out of your comfort zone!!!

How are you loving?

Nostalgia is a funny friend. 

I went to Colorado Leadership Training two years ago. (Isn't that hard to believe?!) With a lot of my friends currently enjoying the place that holds such a big portion of my heart, it's only fitting that I found a shoe box in the top of my closet yesterday that holds all of my full journals. With journals from Kent and my trip to Amsterdam, weighing heavy on my heart are those from LT. I have been re-reading the notes I made during that summer in Estes Park, and I'm finding out that I am still very much learning the same lessons I did two years ago.

It's funny how God does that.

I'm reflecting a lot on my prayers from that summer: I close my eyes and I can see where I sat at the place where the two rivers met, where my heart cried to God for my family's sake. Reading these pleas to God wrecks my heart; this is still my cry two years later. I've been praying for my family to come to know Jesus for over 4 years now and it's difficult to admit that I am a bit discouraged. Jesus said that with faith the size of a mustard seed I could move mountains. I like the mountains where they are; my dream is to move people.

I've been reading over my notes from various teachings we had in Hyde Chapel. One message hits home: that of Matthew 5:13-16 and Romans 10:14-15.

Key thought: If you had the best day of your life, would you not share it with others?

In Jesus, we have the best Savior. The best Lover, the best Friend, the best Provider, the best Healer. Will you not share of His greatness?

"The Moon has no ability to give off light on its own; it reflects the Sun."

 

We are like the Moon; only able to reflect the love of Jesus in the way we love others.

How are you loving people? How are you loving people today?

focus

These days my focus has shifted a lot.

All of the 7 billion thoughts in my head are occurring simultaneously. I'm thinking about the #YesAllWomen and the responses that are all too real on a daily basis. I'm thinking about what it feels like to have a broken heart and begin the healing process of moving past things that you can't change. I'm thinking a lot about hockey and how the Blackhawks are going to wipe the floors with the tears of the LA Kings when we win game 7 tomorrow. I've also been having nightmares about not being able to move back to NYC after I graduate, but that's another story.

But at the end of the day, at the end of all of these thoughts I have to remind myself what really matters. Hating men and my past isn't going to change anything and being obsessed with a trophy is only going to result in pride. Fearing that my dreams won't be realized only gives the devil more of a foothold in my brain. At the end of the day, I know that the peace only God can provide is and will always be more than enough.

That reminder is a lot easier to say than it is to take in. It's easy for me to rattle off a bunch of facts I know about how Jesus will always be there for me and yadda yadda yadda, but when I'm down it's even harder for me to remember these things are TRUE. When I'm in a bad place, I tend to just shut down. No comments or questions, I just power down and stop functioning. But it's when I'm in a negative frame of mind that I need to be reminded all the more of the simple truth that Jesus is with me.

In a letter to the church in Philippi, Paul writes, "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: rejoice!" To rejoice is almost like a command. If I have nothing but God, I have everything. I especially love how David puts it in Psalm 16:2, "apart from you I have NO good thing." So I am going to choose joy. Not for the sake of suppressing my saddness, but because I fully know the joy I have in Christ Jesus.

Three sentences later in his letter to Philippi, Paul says that the peace of God, which is greater than anything we could understand, will guard your heart and mind. What does that mean? It means that by receiving God's peace, I won't accept anything less than His will for my life. It means that I don't have the option of quitting when my heart is broken. It means I can't throw in the towel when the devil gets inside my head. God has a vision for my life and I am determined to see that vision through. God is for me, so who can be against me? God is for me, and I will not fail.


In the midst of my head being clouded with so much right now, I'm also thinking a lot about how I got to where I am today. I'm nowhere near where I want to be, but I am definitely not where I was when I started this journey. I have to remember to keep moving. Keep pursuing God and running towards Him, persevering to finish the race. I am so thankful for all of the people who took risks on me; for my best friend bringing me to church and for leaders who speak truth into my life no matter what the situation is. I'm so thankful to have come alongside people who encourage me to keep running. I'm grateful for all of the ways I can even be of service to Him. And this includes, of course, Sandblast14.

I am in no way qualified to be a "leader" at Sandblast. I have not been planning this for months. I did not help in securing our location. I haven't really done much of anything except send a couple emails and show up to church. God qualifies those he calls (I guess you could say that I've got connections). Being flexible to where God is calling me is taking on a whole new dimension right now as I'm preparing to lead in a house group that does not wear the color orange, and isn't even from Willow Creek's main campus. 

(Side not for everyone out there: I made a pact with Benny Square I would never serve any other color but that of the infamous ORANGE CRUSH. So wearing PURPLE is kind of a big deal.)

Preparing to lead a small group with my best friend is beyond exciting, but I came across two dilemmas while preparing my heart and mind: I have no idea who any of these kids are and I don't own a lot of purple. The latter can be easily remedied with a trip to the store and help from body paint. But I am making it my mission, while I can still go on Sundays, to get to know these kids a little more. And even though I probably won't know everyone until we're actually on our way to Indiana in July, I am praying so hard for these kids.

God, you have gone before us. I'm praying that lives would be radically changed this summer, that students who never even imagined themselves at a church would find rest, peace, and salvation in you. As our leaders have one ear turned to the Holy Spirit, I'm praying that we will find wisdom and words to help guide our students. We know the time we have at camp will be short, but help us make the best use of it. Your will be done.

This post is pretty scattered and has taken a few twists and dives, but thanks for staying with me. This is an average hour inside my head. And since I started writing I've been doing several different things as the same time. Remember kids, treat women as equals and love Jesus. That's all. xox

My joy remains in Christ

In high school I broke up with guys when I got bored. 

That sounds horrible, but it's extremely honest. The one time I tried to make 
things genuinely work ended up worse than when I didn't try, so I broke up with 
my current beau whenever I developed a new crush. 

I've never dated a guy and had God be the center of our relationship. Senior 
year I dated a guy from my bible study. But we weren't mature enough for the 
seriousness dating requires. (And honestly I'm not sure anyone in high school 
is, sorry to all my loves out there still in 9-12)

This relationship was a struggle. Colin came to know Christ as we were already 
dating. It was hard maintaining a God-centered relationship when he was just 
learning what to do for himself as a new believer. I praise God for all he did 
when we were dating, and just for the fact that Colin now has a relationship 
with the savior. But we both need space to re-focus. 

"It's all good." I said
"But, you know, it's not." He said. 
"But it will be."

Yes, there's a lot of healing left to be done. But God has given me a peace 
through this whole situation. He was already worked amazing things just in this 
short week. 

I'm going back to Sandblast in 2014! I'm leading a small group with my best 
friend on this earth and I get to take Student Impact back to Indiana and ROCK 
THAT CAMPUS for the name of Jesus. This was made possible through a phone call I 
made to Kaylea in tears, at the end of which I hung up in pure joy. 

Everyday I am reminded of the way Jesus views me: that I am His and I am loved. 
If Jesus died for me in the midst of my sinful nature, then I am worthy of love. 

And I will find it. I am forever in pursuit of Him. And I know by pursuing the 
Master Lover, I will find my husband in Him as well. And my heart is going to hold out for a man who loves Jesus and can lead us both to Him each day.

lent and other thoughts

First of all, lent is really 47 days and no one told me. Sundays apparently don't count.

That being said, I gave up social media for all of lent. (The extra 7 days didn't kill me.) I cut myself off of all Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram accounts. And here's why.

Lent is a tradition synonymous with "giving up" things. My mom, being the upstanding Roman Catholic she is, encouraged my siblings and I to "celebrate" lent with her each year when I was younger. And I use "celebrate" lightly; what 7 year old really wants to give up sugar? Things like chocolate, television, or other distractions are typically given up. Usually people do these things as a cleanse for themselves, but I wonder how many people actually use this tradition to honor the One who conquered it first.

Most people know this about me: I simply believe in Jesus. Interpret however you want, Jesus is the name I live by. Unapologetically. During this season of lent, I decided to give up this distraction of social media to get closer to Him. By desiring a closeness with Christ, I inherited many other benefits along the way. (I even tried to keep track of the amount of time I saved myself, but that proved impossible.) I wanted to share a few lessons I learned along the way.

1) Life is about way more than me. This moment I'm living in was created for me to enjoy, but not to get stuck in. Right before lent started, I began serving at my church, Hillsong NYC aka THEREASONIDONTWANTTOLEAVENEWYORKBECAUSEILOVEMYCHURCHSOFREAKINGMUCH. And at first, I didn't want to even get involved. Anyone who knows me knows that back in Kent, I serve dangerously on the brink of almost becoming a drop out. I become so focused on my service that I don't take time for me (or school, or anything else). Unhealthy balance. So I thought this semester would be a great opportunity to get involved with small groups and college ministry, but sit back on the serving front. I felt this strong conviction to serve anyways, and found my way to the Hospitality team. The relationships I've built in just a short month have brought so much joy to my life. Figuring out how to serve water and snacks to our church has been a great joy, and this team keeps me just as accountable for going to church as do my connect group girls. Along the way I've even learned how to balance my heart for service with my obligations. Pretty great stuff.

2) My worth is greater than all of the Internet combined. I am a child of the King. Enough said.
(However, if you need further explanation, take a peek at the picture below.)

Yes, I had to re-learn some of the apps I keep on my phone for picture editing. This small sacrifice is worth doing a thousand times over if it means keeping a close connection with my King. That's all I have for y'all on this lovely Easter Sunday. Enjoy church, or chocolate, or whatever it is you do today. Just remember that there is a very real person who died and rose again, today, for you. And His name is Jesus.

on slacking off

I am quite possibly the worst blogger ever. I always forget about blogging. I never feel like I write anything on a daily basis worth blogging, so I haven't posted in a month. And I've realized my posts in Europe were few and far between. So I'm sorry! To all of my non-existent readers, I apologize.

That being said, let me update you on a few things!

Over the past couple weeks of winter break, I have spent a lot of time just cherishing being in a familiar place. Being in Schaumburg, Illinois has been quite nice. I know where everything is and I have a car to help me get there, everyone speaks English, and everything I need is really just at my fingertips. Spending time with my close family and best friends has been so relaxing. Yet, I feel like I was also very busy and didn't spend much time in my house. My schedule went something like this:

Finally got home after a 6 hour delay leaving Italy and a night stuck in Atlanta, I fell down an escalator, I caught up over breakfast with my parents, slept for what felts like a few days. Spent a night at my best friend's house. My boyfriend came over and I showed him around the city of Chicago a little bit and had him try a lot of our amazing Chicago cuisine. We all went to a Hawks game and we got into a little accident on the way there. I spent Christmas at home and then left just a few days later for a church conference in Indianapolis. New Years Eve I drove to Cincinnati to meet my boyfriend's family and explore a little bit. A few days later I helped him move to Cleveland and got him settled. I left a day later and got into another accident not even an hour into the NINE hour drive. Not a fun experience. Thankfully, I am OK and not hurt in the slightest. But then, I packed up my life once again and I have now moved.


TO NEW YORK CITY!!!!!


I have been here for about 8 hours and I already love it. After unloading and unpacking a little bit, my brother, dad, and I drove around in the traffic madness just to briefly sight-see. Then I went grocery shopping at the cute Westside Market. Ashley's parents took me out to dinner at, you guessed it, an Italian restaurant! So yummy!

Who knows what this adventure will hold?! I am so excited to see how it will unravel and what God is going to do with this semester of my life!

Ciao for now! xo, Mabel

all good things must come to an end

And this is true with my time in Europe and Italy. With under a week left in Florence, my feelings are bittersweet. There are many things I am desperately looking forward to at home, but I am going to deeply miss this fantastically fascinating life adventure.

My adventures in Italy have redefined what I consider a blessing or challenge as I have been constantly pushed out of my comfort zone. The lines where I once drew my boundaries are blurred. I have not only seen things that I studied in years past, but I have been able to see parts of the world I couldn't have imagined. I found myself with a new freedom that only comes when you truly abandon everything you hold on to. Being in this place with the opportunity to land in a different country almost every weekend has opened my eyes to this amazing and wonderful life I am blessed with. 

I have been able to travel around Italy; from my (home) in Florence, to Cinque Terre, to Via Reggio, to Venice, to Milan, to Prato and Perugia, to Assisi, to Pisa, to Rome, to Sorrento, to Pompeii. I have been able to explore Paris, experience Oktoberfest in Munich, and enjoy London. I have taken in the beauty of Burren and Galway and Dublin Ireland and strutted the streets of Barcelona like the true cheetah girl I am. I have revisited Amsterdam and been able to take in the city and suburbs of the Netherlands in a new light. These places hold so many memories that I will cherish in my heart for the rest of my life. I could not imagine a better fashion family, made up of all 47 of us, to experience this journey with. I have made so many amazing friends and I know that we will not only be close for the rest of our lives, but we will always look back on this semester together and relive our favorite moments. 

And, heck, since I don't blog even twice a month, please allow me the pleasure of disclosing my latest adventures with you. 

Rewind all the way back to when fall was just starting in Florence. November 7 my roommates and I (with only Cassie missing) embarked on a the scariest Ryanair flight that thankfully landed us safe in Ireland! Our travel plans were actually quite complicated. A train to Milan and a bus to the airport, a plane to Dublin and a train to Galway  adds up to about 10 hours of travel. Not at all my favorite. Yet, we made it and we all enjoyed a Guinness and I scarfed down some lamb stew. We met the sweetest woman who worked at our hostel, her name was Donna, and she hooked us up with a day tour of the cliffs of moher and Burren national park for only 20 euros! The weather was perfect and we saw the most amazing sites. It was the most breathtaking thing I've ever seen. To witness the beauty in those places made that one of the the greatest days I've had in Europe. To see Gods creation; his masterful artistic talent and his majestic design, was absolutely, indescribably incredible.

We completed our tour of Ireland by exploring quaint Gallway and spending a day exploring Dublin. Kate and I had to go on a tour of the Guinness Storehouse and it was actually quite fascinating. We are now certified perfect pint pourers and taste testers!

Barcelona was a city I had amazing hopes for. I truly am the unspoken fifth cheetah girl that no one knew about. Paige and I, along with our friends Michael, Jenny, Paulinaa, and Kari adventured to this city together November 14. Just one week after our Ireland adeventures and with a project due the following Monday, the four of us design majors that went knew this was about to be a lot to handle. We spent our days discovering and Paige and I spent our nights in Starbucks coffee shops and one night almost pulled an all-nighter with Michael and Jenny. Talk about dedication. You gotta do what you gotta do. 

Seeing the Sagrada Familia and work by Gaudi and la Rambla Catalunya was beyond breathtaking. It was also quite incredible that Barcelona is the home to the only Dunkin' Coffee in Europe. I was able to get real donuts instead of pastries!!!! 

Amsterdam was such fun with one of my best friends, Kate! We had an eventful first two days hitting up the Van Gogh museum and the Anne Frank House and lots of parks and famous markets. Since Kate's best friend from high school is of Dutch origin and her familiy recently moved back to the Netherlands, we took a trip out to Leiden and Sassenheim to pay them a visit! It was such a fun, quaint part of the trip. They treated us not only to an amazing buffet style dinner in their humble home, but they also bought us cheese and stroopwafel from the street vendors to bring back home! What a sweet treat!!! I was even able to find a few odd gifts that I could cross off my Christmas shopping list!

Other than the traditional things I miss about home (ie my family, my dog, my house, my bed, my familiar surroundings, etc.) I find myself missing an assortment of miscellaneous (and possibly strange) pieces. 

The English language. I miss being able to understand everything around me. As my Italian class this semester has proved mostly unhelpful, I haven't been able to get past "Bongiorno, vorrei un caffe espresso" in a conversation. It's such a beautiful language and I only wish that my five years of Spanish didn't confuse my brain. I also wish we would have started learning grammar instead of phrases. But that's where basic conversational Italian is supposed to take you...

24 hour electric heating. Since Italy does not produce their own electricity and have to import it from France, all heating elements are suspended for half of the day. Seriously, the heating in Italy is so controlled that we only get 12 hours. At night, it's 18 degrees Celsius. (About 65 degrees Fahrenheit) I am always shivering.

Hot and consistent water pressure in a shower. Not that you can't find that in Italy, our apartment, as nice as it is, is just a different story altogether. The water that randomly jumps to cooler temperatures mid-shower and will drop in pressure if someone is running water from the sink in the kitchen. The whole system is poorly designed.

Cell phone service. Try living your life with no connection except for limited Wi-Fi for four months. It's a hard knock life. To be able to call or text someone from anywhere and at anytime is such a blessing I always overlooked. (This is majorly satire. I may appear addicted to technology, but I do, in fact, know how to disconnect and focus on the more important things.)

My automobile. I miss being able to hop into my car and just go anywhere. I don't mind the extra steps (it's a great built-in calorie burner) but walking everywhere on cobblestones is really hard on shoes and feet and joints all over the body. Never have my hips been more out of line or my shoes fallen apart faster.

Now that I've gotten that off my chest, I have a lot to think about. I leave in three days. What am I going to do with this time? Tomorrow will be full of packing and getting organized, our final student exhibition, then going out to celebrate a birthday! Friday I'm FINALLY going to climb to the top of the Duomo with Colin! (Something I wanted to do the minute I got here but saved the best for last!) Early Saturday morning my roommates and I are climbing to the top of Piazzale Michelangelo one last time to watch the sun rise!!! Since Italy doesn't have any law against open containers, we're going to pop a bottle of champagne and walk around buying last minute gifts and souvenirs. That night there won't be time for sleep, we have to be out of our apartment and at the train station at 2:45 am!

Finally, after one more extremely long day of travel, I will be back in sweet home AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL!!! (Cue fireworks and epic soundtrack music)

I have three days. With so much more that I want to do, I guess I better get moving!