a joyful jubilee

*this post is similar to my previous post with the idea that the stories i share may or may not seem to relate. i have a lot on my heart tonight!*

a lot of my insecurities come from the emphasis i place on relationships. i idolize them and place way too high of a value on what people think of me. my friends aren't just people that i love hanging out with; i have a massive fear of losing them every minute.

i place my friendships on a pedestal. especially my friendships with guys. this, combined with the fact that my ultimate love language is quality time, leads me to develop feelings for people quickly. i have been hurt and i have hurt people because of this. it's so true that hurt people hurt people. and one painful thing i'm learning is that my future spouse is going to be affected by this one day as well.

however, in this very instant, i cannot bear to think about getting into a relationship. [PTL!] i have been praying that i won't feel consumed by the thoughts of dating anymore. and tonight i have had a small taste of what that feels like. oh the freedom!

at h2o, there is a team of people that always prays over the service before it starts. as you can imagine, lots and lots and lots of time, preparation, planning, and rehearsing go into making a service happen. but there's also a TON of prayer. when we close our prayer circle, we always encourage each other to go out and meet someone new. at this, i am always conflicted. part of me says, "yes mabel! go meet new people; be a light!" the other part of me says, "yeah right, i'm just gonna go hangout with my friends." i could feel God telling me that today would be a day of making connections.

today at church, i met a girl from china. her name is freesia. my good friend aggy asked her to join us at h2o today. sometimes i'm insecure about what i say to people when first starting a conversation about faith, but the Lord totally gave me the right words to say. my conversation with freesia turned into one that was super fruitful. we ended up exchanging numbers and she asked me to hangout sometime this week! i am so excited to continue our conversation and dive into her life: i cannot wait to find out more about her culture and her beliefs!

another praise from today actually came from my mother. normally, my family and i do not see eye to eye on the subject of faith. my parents especially stand firm on their opinion that i am way too involved in h2o and that my focus on Jesus and serving is terribly damaging to my academics. however, today i had something important to tell me mother that i was nervous and excited about.

during spring break this year, i have the amazing opportunity to potentially participate in a trip going to amsterdam, the netherlands. mind you, there is an application process and support raising that i still need to go through, but if it's God's will, i will be spending the last week of march 2013 in europe! this trip has a few different missions: serving a church one of our pastors helped to start, learning about the culture, evangelizing in the red light district and a university town, and spending a day just exploring on our own. this involves determining rather quickly if this trip is something i am called to.

after a summer in colorado, my mom still doesn't understand too much about support raising. tonight, i wanted to discuss her opinion on the trip, i figured i should start the conversation now when i'm first getting the information than wait until i've already applied. i have come to a place where i know that it is right to honor my parents by hearing their thoughts and considering them, even if what they share may not be what God desires for me. at first, talking to my mom seemed to be turning into another discussion about my faith. yet surprisingly, it made a 180 turn and my mother was extremely receptive to what i had to say. she is working on trying to understand how support raising works and even apologized for forming her opinion before she was able to comprehend it fully. there are still logistics about the trip that i need to figure out, but i'm so relieved to know that my mom is at least open to the idea of me participating in this trip. this was truly a huge step for her, it brought me to tears. my friend elsa encouraged me with this: "there's no way that any person can change their heart like that without God's work in them." God is definitely working in my mom's heart. now, my biggest concern can be putting my faith in the fact that God can and WILL provide the funds needed for this trip.

this weekend has been a beautiful blessing. i have been able to find joy in my fashion work, practice loving on people (especially people who are sometimes hard to love), and on top of all of that, the temperature was in the 60s for a majority of the time. super enjoyable.
a few words from the songs on my heart tonight:

"Holy is the Lord God almighty, the earth is filled with His glory!"  Holy is the Lord- chris tomlin

"breathe in me your life, i can feel you are close now. i can never hide; you are here and you know me. all i need is you and i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you. breathe in me your life til your love overtakes me. open up my eyes, let me see you more clearly. falling on my knees til i love like you love like you love me, i love you."  bones- hillsong united

random thoughts

*please note before reading that this post is way overdue*

sometimes i wonder how God can be so good to us. specifically to me.

these past couple weeks have been especially hard with lots of schoolwork. sewing, drawing, microeconomics, art history, seven ideas, and history of costume are all very time consuming classes just on their own. put them all together and you get about an hour of sleep a night.
not to mention fashion student organization, fashion shows, hall council, two jobs, h2o hangouts, church and all of the different teams i'm a part of. this semester, mabel is on overload. to an extreme. my planner is about 2 inches thick and on any given day i can have as many as 6 events!

yet, in the midst of all of this organized chaos, i am super joyful. i'm not only finding time for the Lord, but i'm making Him the priority. normally, i'd just say "i don't have time for that" and let it be. but that's not at all the case.

i'm currently going through the book of Acts and wow am i amazed. God is so, so incredible. if you know anything about me, you i am not really much of a history buff. i love art and costume history, but if it's any other class i'm usually sleeping. the lessons that God is teaching me through Acts, however, have me wide awake.

two weekends ago, h2o held their annual fall getaway retreat. both kent and pittsburgh churches were present, and we all had a fantastic time. besides the last night games of ice and basketball, bonfires and intimate conversation with close friends, we were blessed to have amazing teachings! jon shah from h2o ohio state came with 3 jam packed sessions that left us all with more ideas to ponder over than any of us were really prepared for.

his first and last teachings were especially impactful. at first, he opened with the story of martha and mary from luke 10. mary makes the choice to be super attentive to Jesus, so much so that her sister martha is demanding that Jesus ask her to help with the preparations! yet, in the middle of all of the necessary chores, Jesus calmy denies her request. 

"'martha, martha,' the Lord answered, 'you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.'" Luke 10 : 41 - 42

wow. i'm so in shock about what's going on here. and how relevant this is in it's application to my own life! i get so wrapped up in things (even things in the church) that are not Jesus. nothing could ever possibly be great enough to be a substitute for Him.

matthew 13 : 44 - 46 really helps explain the lesson here well:
"the kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. when a man found it, he did it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. again the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. when he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it."

my treasure is in Jesus Christ alone! how amazing is our God!

jon's last teaching went over a passage in matthew 14 where Jesus walks on water out to his disciples in a boat. what's really interesting about this passage is that peter, for a short time, walks on the water toward Jesus! unlike most teachings i've heard on this section of scripture, jon didn't highlight what peter did wrong; instead, he advertised peter as a winner!!!

yes, peter lost sight of Jesus and started to sink, but he did walk on the water! how amazingly incredible. when we have those little mustard seeds of faith, we can truly accomplish anything! i could just feel God relaying one message to me so clearly:

Mabel, it's time to step out of the boat.
it's time to take me a faith. it's time to get out of your comfort zone.


on a completely different note, i'm also reading this book called when God writes you love story by eric and leslie ludy. i would recommend this to anyone at any age, single or not. it's definitely a good book for just learning how to love the Lord as your first love, why that's even important, and how to love our counterparts. i know that my relationships with my brothers in Christ tremendously improve when i remember to put into practice what i'm reading. even my relationships with my family have improved.

in this delightful read, the ludy's talk about how your family is like practice for loving your [future] spouse. now that's something i never thought of! all this time, i'm sitting here thinking, "well when i'm married everything will be different" but how can that be true unless i'm working on myself now? if im not practicing tenderness towards my closest family members, those that are hardest to love, how can i ever hope to be a good wife when i'm having a bad day and my patience flies out the window?


God is definitely giving me wake up calls here and there. i'm so excited to continue learning from Him.