Wonder

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, why do things lose beauty?

Right now I'm in studio watching the snow fall outside. Only a few days ago we were all mesmerized when we woke up with a new snowy blanket covering the ground. The chilly temperature added to the enchantment of watching thousands of tiny flakes, all uniquely shaped and formed, fluttering to the ground and landing on our big knit scarves and furry ear muffs. Today looks quite different, our mouths are full of grumbling about the temperature, walking anywhere, and the hassle it is to work around the weather.

Where did our wonder go? Have we already gotten so used to these circumstances that we fail to see the beauty anymore?

Sometimes I feel that way about God. Have I really gotten so used to His presence that I sometimes fail to see His majesty?!
The prayer of my heart is this: may we never lose our wonder. May we always look with the eyes of a child, as all things are new and exciting and beautiful. This snow fall is still beautiful, as is His grace.

“Don’t push these children away. Don’t ever get between them and me. These children are at the very center of life in the kingdom. Mark this: Unless you accept God’s kingdom in the simplicity of a child, you’ll never get in.”

Jesus' words from Mark 10:14-15 MSG 

The Feels

I'm really bad with feelings. All feelings. I'm really bad with expressing them properly, especially the negative kind. I have always looked at negative emotions as weakness, and I will NOT be made out to be weak. So when I get sad I do anything and everything to hide it. But guess what.

I'm sad. There, I said it. I'm so sad it makes me sick. I feel forgotten, I feel alone, I feel like nothing I ever do will be good enough, and I feel like a failure. I know the truth. More in my head, I'm still working on my heart. I know that I am not forgotten, or alone, that I am worthy and that I am more successful even where I am now than I could have ever imagined. But sometimes all that I can see is one circumstance that didn't work out, one situation that didn't go how I'd hoped, or one dream I had that isn't playing out. 

I'm realizing that putting faith in God, for me, is actually sometimes easier when life is great. I love giving God praise when I feel happy. But that's the difference between joy and happiness, joy is something that doesn't change based on circumstances. Happiness can fade with the wind, but joy remains. Joy is day in, day out. Joy is a battle.

Today, I was reminded how there are two different ways to go about viewing God: 1) give Him the praise and glory He deserves no matter what, or 2) barter and withhold my praise for Him until my situation changes. Well, I'm not going to get down because I don't live where I want to live or because school doesn't look like what I want it to or even because I didn't get the boy I liked. I'm going to give God glory for the fact that I do have a roof over my head, that I go to an amazing university that will help me get where I want to be, and that I have amazing friendships with guys that teach me more than a relationship could right now.

I'm gonna keep pressing into God. For now, that's all I have. And that's all I've ever needed.

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;

don’t try to figure out everything on your own.

Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;

he’s the one who will keep you on track.

Proverbs 3:5-6